Too the world you may be one

But to one person you may be the

About Me

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earth, United Kingdom
Im Claire.. Short,fat,enjoying life NOW after a long time coming !Trying to find my feet again in this life

Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Said it all :(

Take That Said it all - Lyrics:

When the tears fall away
And there´s no conversation
there´s nothing left to break
that´s not already broken
you´re staring into space
And every inch of silence
Been standing here for days, and days

Said it all
Nothing to say at all
Nothing to say that matters
haven´t we heard enough?

Said it all
Nothing to say at all
Nothing to say that matters
doesn´t matter any more

In the sudden light of day
The weight of expectation
Hurt begins to fade
As you find a new direction
Been talking here for days
and days and days

Said it all
Nothing to say at all
Nothing to say that matters
haven´t we heard enough?

Said it all
Nothing to say at all
Nothing to say that matters
doesn´t matter any more

All of the miles of
words we´ve spoken
All of the lines that got away
didn´t we take the time
to say them all?

All of the miles of
words we´ve spoken
All of the lines that got away
didn´t we take the time
to say them all?

Said it all
Nothing to say at all
Nothing to say that matters
haven´t we heard enough?

Said it all
Nothing to say at all
Nothing to say that matters
haven´t we said it all?
Lyrics: Said it All, Take That

Sunday, 29 March 2009


I'm so lucky who and what i have in my life .. I don't really have the right to sit and wallow in self pity compared to some people ,just sometimes i get the 'poor me' syndrome as i call it.
Yeah I'm not rich ..skint actually BUT i have a roof over my head,i have a loving family ,some people don't have any of that.
Some times you just have to realise you may not have what you want in this life but to enjoy what you do have as you waste time on what you don't have and don't appreciate what you've got in the here and now.
Life's so short when you think about it ,we all make mistakes ,but sweating the small things in life is wasted.
I only no this from experience of depression and other mental health problems but i also no when you do have problems you see no way out ..there is always a light at the end of the tunnel ..its just finding your way towards it i think and that's different in everyone but its only you that can do it,i always wanted someone or something to make my life all better ..then realised it was me that had to do it can help you ,they can advise you and be there BUT its only yourself that can take that step and say enough is enough .


I'm listening to radio 1 and there talking about cancer and death ect..
And there right you never get over loosing someone ,took me years and years to be able to not come to terms with but to realise that no matter what i do or say there never coming back.
I totally fall apart when i loose someone and my life just stopped completely for over 14 years and then i lost someone else and went backwards in how i felt again..but some how loosing the second person made me so much stronger ,how or why i really don't no ,maybe i new they wanted me to sort my life out and while they were here i didn't do it and i wanted to show them i can do it and not let them down.
I think about who Ive lost every single day ,but i don't hold on so tightly and i no i have to carry on..whether i like it or not.
Me not coping with death didn't just effect me it effected so many people around me ,So now i have to make how i was better ,i cant change the way i was but i focused so hard on who id lost i forgot the living .. i regret that but at the time i was unable to cope with anything.
Death is so final ,your powerless to what happens ,its out of your hands .you have anger,sorrow so many feelings its sometimes unbearable ..but life goes on no matter if we like it or not ..
I don't have any answers just never give up hope in anything ,i no that.


Ok ..In a better mind state today ,yesterday..well wanted to just put my head on the oven lol totally just had enough really BUT i do bring it on myself sometimes.

Today well still in a mess but I'm going to sort things and not be the victim any more .

Saturday, 28 March 2009

What Ive done

"What I've Done"

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done!!!

What I’ve done
Forgiving what I’ve done
Them words are so true to my life right now ..............


What a shitty day !!... Ive bitten off more the i can chew with this bloke me thinks lol ..gotta laugh or il cry..

I should look before i leap :-$ ...I have no idea how to get out of this one .


We adore those who ignore us,ignore those who adore us,hurt those who love us and love those who hurt us...

Thursday, 26 March 2009


Keep thinking its Friday for some odd reason??don't no why ? or maybe wishful thinking lol.
Quiet week really bit of a weird one ,didn't feel like doing anything or seeing anyone either.
Kind of had the yo yo effect this week ..up n down ,duno why either .. very strange!!
Oh well the weekend shall soon be here.

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Best of..

That song' best of you' ust to remind me of my 'ex' but now has other meanings ..No one ever finds out the best of me usually in my world they just see what they want and judge you ..believe what they want.. i no who iam deep down ..that's all that matters to me.

Best of you ...Are they??


Yup i have an obsession with song Lyrics..Always have done ..I kind of associate with them ..Music is a big thing in my world ,id go mad with out listening to music ..BIG time!
So when i feel a certain way sometimes song lyrics say just how i feel ..weird maybe but that's me lol.

And today one is..drum roll please.. lol..

Monday, 23 March 2009


Ive changed mine so much in the last few years,Some for the better id say but also some for the worse.
But i suppose theres always bad before you can finally find some good? isn't there?
I'm not sure anymore if I'm honest...
Kind of in a rut and cant get out of it ,or do but fall back in it again.
How do you finally find inner peace with yourself?

Answers on a post card please lol...

Sunday, 22 March 2009

Everybody Hurts

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone

Thursday, 19 March 2009

Loving someone

Loving someone, is no guarantee that one day that person won't leave.
There is no choice in the matter.
You must give your love freely, and without strings attached.
If you go toward people always asking for guarantees or protection, you will make them feel that you don't trust them.
In turn, they won't trust you. It's a vicious cycle, and the only way out is through giving your heart unconditionally.

Wednesday, 18 March 2009


God nos what happened ..i feel like shit !! Been alright ,talk about mood drop!
Il get out of it soon as it appeared ,Hate it tho..just reminds me when i was really bad and never see a way out depression wise ,and i always think oh no here we go again..but as i said i get myself out these black moods now days.
I seem to get them when i have no answers to stuff and at the mo i defo don't have any answers to a few things - money big time ,and people lol ..mind fuckers they are lol..but hey suppose iam as well lol.
Anyway hopefully il feel better later on this mood can sod off ! I don't wanna be miserable life's to short!And Ive wasted enough of mine believe me !!

Tuesday, 17 March 2009


Why is nothing simple? I'm sure i do all this to myself ya no lol.
I make life difficult for myself ,so only have myself to blame ..bloody idiot lol

Another week...

Another week ..wonder what this one will bring ..mine are defiantly interesting lol
Never no what will happen ,Yes sometimes there crap ! but all in all never dull.
Maybe the life style i lead lol Always looking for new adventures ;) lol and my adventures usually are funny as fuck!
Mainly from the idiots lol sorry the people i come across in my weird world lol.
And i no some 'idiots' believe i sound a complete bitch lol but no believe me there idiots lol...I'm a magnet for them ..they think im one lol they'd be surprised ! i may look it but I'm farrrr from one.

Got the dentist tomorrow 'Oh what joy! NOT' sons going as well hes not happy either bless him ..has to be done tho :-$ lol.

Oh yea st Patric's day today just heard on the radio..'Happy St Patric's Day' lol

My giving up smoking up is a loose word at the moment ! I have had a ciggy ..I nooooooooooo naughty ! But ..ok no buts i have no will power at the mo :( But Ive stopped..started..cut down.. lol started again ..Il get there one day ..!!
I WILL lol .


I'm mad about Photography id love to become a photographer big time ! Just haven't a clue were to start/look ect and it costs alot i think as well,which i defo cant afford either boooo !

Think i really need to look into it and find out who ,what were n when lol then il no ..been thinking about it for a while and always been interested just haven't done anything about it ..story of my life there lol.. i think alot but actually doing I'm a bit lets say ....scared ,Don't no why ..I'm not backwards in coming forwards ..just a worry wort in life lol idiot i no !

Monday, 16 March 2009

Armin Van Buuren Lyrics Simple things..

Wasted days, I’m caught up in the fruitless chase
Wanting more than anything that’s come before
And I wish I didn’t have to choose
When I know there is so much to lose

Cruel desires blind me to the simple things
Lost in fires of passionate imaginings
Cruel desires blind me to the simple things
Lost in fires of passionate imaginings

Simple things, simple things

Holding out, feeling that it just might come
Cursing doubt that keeps you from the perfect one
And I wish I didn’t have to choose
When I know there is so much to lose

Cruel desires blind me to the simple things
Lost in fires of passionate imaginings
Cruel desires blind me to the simple things
Lost in fires of passionate imaginings

Simple things, simple things

I’m torn between what I know and what I dream

Armin van Buuren -

Saturday, 14 March 2009

''Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts."


Very weird as it may sound ..I've always felt like a jigsaw puzzle..always trying to piece the pieces together,always feeling i have a piece missing and always trying to feel complete.

That's why i had a jigsaw piece tattooed to find my missing piece,partly as when i suffered with depression that was the piece of me missing and also for other reasons to.

I sometime wonder if the 'puzzle' of me will ever be finished ? or will i always have that bit missing.

I dont..

'I don't want to be someones "something" I'd rather be someones everything'

My week

Hmm my week was interesting to say the up n down as always like a yoyo
But the highs out weighted the lows definitely.
Had a kool date last night ..yeah i said 'date'woohoo lol first one in err god nos,nice meal and a drink and kool company as well ,haven't laughed so much in ages,and i really needed it,even if it doesn't go anywhere i had a wicked night.

Friday, 13 March 2009

I no !

I no what people think of me you no..

I come across as one thing BUT I'm not only that,Deep down I'm more then that and situations have turned me into something else.

Ive tryed showing theres more to the real me inside ..I cant be someone else ..I cant hide the fact i love to much..i care to much and i hurt to much and in the end I'm only hurting myself .

Men think I'm a slag,women think i pinch there men and I'm a bitch ..

Sometimes people i don't even no think that..they wanna be in my life to understand no how i no how much i hurt .

I'm just open personally,sexually doesn't mean shit and doesn't mean I'm a door mat either.

You respect me ,and i do you..respect lol i use that word loosely! I lost that along time ago for some people in my life,who think I'm nothing..Live in my world and your understand what its like.


I see this and just like the words…

I walked alone down this unpredictable path
Of raging emotions and flying colors
In an ocean of wistful thoughts
Consuming my mind

All the adventure had worn me out
I began to hear the voices in my dreams
Calling me out of the tremulous waters
Back to the warmth of security—my home

Instant relief swept over me at my arrival
There was everything as I had left it

but something was amiss
Something that had not been there
in the first place
But it should have been
Because I felt empty inside
I felt I was made of naught but skin

It was you that was missing
The you who had yet to enter my life

I cannot explain why I knew this then
I can only guess
that perhaps it was Destiny
That we should be together
Real friends for eternity

I hope you understand
(and some how I know you will)
That we are connected through the higher frequencies
of the Universe
As is every living thing on this Earth
Except that our paths were meant to cross
And we were meant to meet
So that we could fill each other’s lives
with goodness and peace

No one should be left to themselves
When they have battles to fight
and obstacles to overcome
Unless they choose to do so alone

But even though one of us prefers to be alone
We will at least be given the chance
the chance to make things a whole lot easier
By sharing our burdens

For what might be a burden to one
Could be a blessing to the other

So together—when we meet (as the Universe has willed) --
Let us transform our lives for the better
Creating blessings out of burdens
Magic out of pain
And Love out of darkness

Just as it was meant to be.

Please do not let the chance pass you by
When it comes, embrace it!
As will I

Then suddenly, we will sprout wings…
and we will fly to our individual Destinies
Be reunited with our Twin Souls
And swiftly reach Enlightenment
Being blessed by the innocence of the Angels

Sail away

Sail away ..David Gray

The words remind me of my son and not a day goes past i dont wish i could hold him again ..

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything I held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times Ive tasted love
Never knew quite what I had
Little darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Ive been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to find some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Rest in peace Tylor x

Thursday, 12 March 2009

Its been a while!


Hmm me well ..way to complicated i say,nothings ever simple in my world lol ..mainly my own doing.

Wear my heart on my sleave fall in lust to offen ..have highs n lows in my mood ..up or down thats me !

Love music with a passion all stylies and would pine without my music on

Have always been big girlie lol but am working on it and have been for years n years lol :-$ but hey fat ..thin.. wobbly .. im just me but some people see fatty and not the person inside IDIOTS! lol

Been searching for something in my life for a while BUT now i no ..theres nothing to search for just be in the now and enjoy whats around me ,and what i have around me is the best,family ,friends lucky just sometimes i dont realise it ..twat i no

Im way to open ..gotta stop wih that one lol just take a step backwards before i leap lets just say lol
Have the BEST mum in the world! shes been there no matter what and is my 'rock' to this world ..and without her i no i wouldnt be alive today,i do really believe that was/is so bad at times ,she puts up with alot from me and im forever grateful i have her in my life.

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Do not stand ...

Mary Frye (1932)

Do not stand at my grave and weep,I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glint on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,I am the swift, uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there, I do not sleep.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there, I did not die!

Scorpio ..thats me !

The ScorpionOctober 24 to November 22

Traditional Scorpio Traits

Determined and forceful

Emotional and intuitive

Powerful and passionate

Exciting and magnetic

On the dark side....

Jealous and resentful

Compulsive and obsessive

Secretive and obstinate


Hmm so... my life .. err what a mess lol..
No really ..Ive fooked it up big stylie recently ..and i cant go backwards,just some how make it better ,things have finally fallen into place in a sense and have improved..but one area ive soo messed up lol ok two areas lol..
But hey we all make mistakes ,and hopefully you learn by them?I think i have or am
Not sure sometimes ..i do keep repeating a few mistakes recently ..IDIOT !! lol
But that's life !

Wednesday ...MEN !!
Hmm what a shitty day.. Things start to go okish and some knob ruins it lol..typical tho of men !
Ive come to the conclusion i should stop looking for a man in my life ,as all i attract is idiots don't get me wrong not all men are idiots BUT 98% are i no with a few exceptions here n there ...

Tuesday, 10 March 2009


Hmm well march i wasnt looking forward to..Its usually a bad month for me ...BUT this year ive had a turning point in life ..A very long time coming ,Ive kinda found peace within myself ,how and why not totally sure.

Im not questioning it anymore ..I no it was something i had to do to go forward with my life,

Il always take that part of my life with me in my heart and in my mind and il never ever forget who i lost BUT i now no ,no matter where iam he's with me


Well this is my first of random bloggs..

I waffle random crap on a daily basis lol ..sometimes serious sometimes nothingness

But to me blogging helps me in a weird kinda way..