I hate this time of year ,At the moment i just feel so tearful n keep crying :(
My dad died 5 years ago next month and its just playing on my mind
Yeah i think about him every day ,but this time of year just makes things worse.
Plus every were i look theres babies neighbours just had one ,And that gets me thinking about Tylor :(.
Life's going great at the moment but no matter how happy you are inside loosing someone hurts so much.
Just think I'm very emotional at the moment and everything keeps churning round my head ,my hearts in different places and it hurts.
Im fine just i duno tis life as they say and you have to get on with it.
Some times wish i wasnt so bloody emotional about life but then i wouldn't be me ..duno if thats good or bad lol .
But hey Love defo hurts ..loosing,being in and well you no .. When i love i do forever
Ahh well onwards as they say ..keep smiling x

thinks you couldn't make up my life even if you tryed lol..bit like a carry on film id say .. but hey makes life interesting and defo lots of laughs n smiles to mix with the crap n bad times lol

Love...

Poem written for me

For Claire



Love is like a deep, deep hole,

Easy to fall into, hard to escape.
Once you're in, it feels so good

With pure joy & adrenalin rushes.
Who wants to escape from all this attention?

Not us, we would be mad!
Enjoying too much the holding of hands

And the gentle, wholesome blushes.

The sharing of secrets, the telling of tales,

The truth can fuel the flame
That is so easily extinguished by

The stupid telling of an outright lie.
Forever is the only true direction,

So forever is where we shall go
Taking our time to get there, no rush,

No panic, just you... and I



The love of a friend is much more pure

Than the love you often find

It carries no burden, no grief, no pain.

Just there for both to feel.

Never sullied by the weight of lust,

That can cause broken hearts

Placed in the heart by your best friend,

It's purpose is to heal.

Hmm been doing alot of soul searching recently ..And come to the conclusion ..finally lol
That i need to grow up ! took me long enough didn't it only 35 years :-S ..
I'm unorganised..unruly and generally acting as if I'm a teen .. no harm i admit but it isn't doing me any favors in life and making things complicated for myself... and i cant be doing with complicated been doing that far to long.
I'm not going to change everything ,just organise myself more ..and make life more simple as i do make it hard for myself most the time lol.

Hey life's for living ..il be dead along time to sit n sweat the small stuff ..but if i just wake up and take hold of my own life and not let it dwindle away and get my self in a mess ..il have more time to enjoy it.

Back again

Back again blogging after a while of being unable to share things or wanting to i suppose ..all to complicated to explain.. maybe i will one day who nos ...

Life's ok at the moment ,missed having a good old blog about my random life lol sad ay.
Need to get my arse in gear for a job focused interview :-S hmm great NOT !
But hey ho...

Lonely girl

Staring at the top sheet
Listening to my hearth beat
Wondering how to say it
Playing over one track
Wanting you to come back
Want to have you here

Lying on a cold sheet
Jump into my car seat
Drive down to the river
Nightlight its reflecting
Somehow I'm expecting
Your voice in my ear

I wish that I could tell you
I wish that I could tell you
I wish that I could tell you
All the thigs that you do

Come back 'cause I'm gonna be a lonely girl again
Come back 'cause I'm gonna be a lonely girl
Come back 'cause I'm gonna be a lonely girl again
Come back 'cause I'm gonna be a lonely girl


Lying in the long grass
Watching as the clouds pass
Hands held in silence
Your arms right around me
Feeling glad you found me
Feeling like I'm home

Wish you would remember
April to september
Wanting to be near me
Racing for the sunrise
Staring into my eyes
You and I alone

I wish that I could tell you
I wish that I could tell you
I wish that I could tell you
All the thigs that you do

Come back 'cause I'm gonna be a lonely girl again
Come back 'cause I'm gonna be a lonely girl
Come back 'cause I'm gonna be a lonely girl again
Come back 'cause I'm gonna be a lonely girl


Lay back in my own dream
playback on a big screan
You and me together
Why give up a love found
Wish that I could write down
What you mean to me

I wish that I could tell you
I wish that I could tell you
I wish that I could tell you
All the thigs that you do

Come back 'cause I'm gonna be a lonely girl again
Come back 'cause I'm gonna be a lonely girl
Come back 'cause I'm gonna be a lonely girl again
Come back 'cause I'm gonna be a lonely girl

(so lonely... so lonely.... so lonely... so lonely...)

Was it so wrong
No you said you loved me
Could ït be so easy
Just to walk away

Dreams part 2

Lol now I'm mad ..was squirrels last night lol amongst other things :-S and apparently it means-

-A squirrel could represent a comfortable friend, someone you enjoy having fun with.

-squirrel in a dream could also be pointing out the importance of planning ahead. Even if you want to have fun in your life, always be looking towards the future. Make sure you spend some part of your time preparing for the future, so that when it comes, you're ready.

-hiding something

Hmm :-S ..il look forward to to nights dream lol ..weiiiiiiirrrrrrrrd lol

Dreams

I keep having the weirdest dreams lol :-S.. I'm into dream analysis but mine don't make sense as in what they mean.
Think its just whats in my head at the moment to be honest

- Loyal
- Passionate
- Resourceful
- Observant
- Dynamic
- Suspicious
- Unyielding

Scorpio in a Nutshell:

Scorpio is the astrology sign of extremes and intensity. Scorpios are very deep, intense people, there is always more then meets the eye. They present a cool, detached and unemotional air to the world yet lying underneath is tremendous power, extreme strength, intense passion and a strong will and a persistent drive. Scorpios have a very penetrative mind, do not be surprised if they ask questions, they are trying to delve deeper and figure things out and survey the situation. They always want to know why, where and any other possible detail they can possibly know. Scorpio's are very weary of the games that other people try to play and they are very aware of it. Scorpios tend to dominate and control anyone that lets them, or anyone that they find weak. The person that a Scorpio respects and holds close to them is treated with amazing kindness, loyalty and generosity. On the outside, a Scorpio has great secretiveness and mystery. This magnetically draws people to them. They are known to be controlling and too ambitious but only because they need control for this makes them feel safe

Puzzle

I just want to say so much ..its all in my head but cant get it all out i suppose :-S
Things wer great thought id found a missing piece now that piece is backing away i feel inside.
I don't want that piece to go away ..I want it to stay even if its certain terms ..which I'm ok with
Quite weird how somethings just fit like a puzzle and when they ain't there no more kinda feels empty again.
Weirdly enough i have puzzle piece as a tattoo i had done as i always felt i had that piece missing from certain things that has happened in my life.

Somtimes.......

Sometimes by someone not saying anything ..it says so much more and hurts so much more then if they wer actually straight with you.
Every ones different i no and yes the truth hurts but so does not noing so much more id say ..well does to me.

Everything happens for a reason??? Does it ?? I don't no ,I thought i did ....